Thursday, July 22, 2010

Predators (And Not The Sexy Kind)

      So I downloaded Predators of my "service" as my girlfriend calls it and I have to say, if you kids can't pirate this shit any better than this then you should just stay the fuck at home. I'm serious, I don't mind that I have a clear view of the seats in front of you for the first five minutes of the movie but at least keep the camera focused the entire ninety minutes. Half the movie is clear, the other half I think I'm looking at blurry shit stained glass or a pair of pantyhose...I'm guessing.

Who can forget this scene whatever it is?

     After watching most of the movie and listening to the other half because the sound is about as bad as the picture I'm going to say that this was a decent film. My biggest gripe is that the only way to get really good bootleg movies these days is to wait for either some German kid or a Russian kid to post it. Americans kids aren't only falling behind the rest of the world in education but also Pirating. 

     As for the movie, well the parts that I could see and hear (the sound was equally as shitty as the picture) it seemed like everything that a fan of the Predator franchise could really ever want in a movie with a few exceptions. We are back to the jungle, back to hot climates and dangerous people with weapons, gone are the stupid cartoon fights from the Alien vs Predator saga which thankfully even Robert Rodriquez thought sucked so bad that he didn't want anything to do with it. 
     The only flaw that I can see from this movie that all have really suffered since the first one is there is no star in the movie. As much as I might like Adrien Brody and his nose he is no Arnold Schwarzenegger not even close, not even the same continent and that I think is what brings the movie down because let's face it kids the only reason that first movie did so well was because it had the big star in it. All of us kids knew how it was going to come down at the end, Arnie was going to slug it out with this massive beast from outer space and we couldn't have been more pleased with the outcome. We all know Bruce Willis is going to be the smart ass and save the hostages, we all know that Eastwood's face would twist and he'd blow away the bad guys we all know that Stallone would talk like he had a dick in his mouth and beat the shit out of someone but even though we knew it was still awesome to see them go about it. 
     Adrien Brody? Who the fuck is that? Laurence Fishburne, is he still alive and how did he get out of the Matrix? 
     Also kudos to the Predators for kidnapping the most dangerous people from all around the world to be on their off-Earth game preserve that all speak perfect English. What luck for the prey to all be able to communicate in the same language.


  1. I've had as poor luck with the Russian and Ukrainian scene releases, alas! I'm pretty positive one of the Avatard rips I saw was filmed by a very drunk and/or very tired Russian: at seemingly random intervals, when the movie had been in perfectly fine focus, he'd begin tweaking it and the scene would swim in and out of a blue blur, like Smurf roadkill, covering the screen. Other times, it seemed he was nodding off - and unfortunately, he seems to've been using a head mounted cam... so when his head suddenly dropped, we'd get that wonderful sight of the seat before him and a bit of his large knees and sometimes a hammy left hand before a snort would rouse our would be Blackbeard and we'd regain the screen - once more out of focus. Except for that and the many memorable scenes of decapitated Na'vi - and an endlessly wailing infant somewhere in the theatre - it was a 'good' rip. It was like going to the cinema in Hartford without leaving the comfort of my own home!

  2. I heard that the Hartford Cinema now has surround sound which I think means they took all those old speakers from the Drive-In and hooked them up around the theater. I haven't been there in years but I wonder if they ever got that huge brown coke stain off the screen. I remember it being there from the late 80's all the way up till the last movie I watched there. I always had a sneaking suspicion that it was a cup of tobacco juice.
    I have seen some pretty good pirated stuff before that had to have used a tripod. How hard would it be to get that past some kid making minimum wage at a shitty job?

  3. Don't think I've been there since middle school, maybe. You're likely right about the source of the stain. Tending to prefer seats in the back, one of the sights I recall best were the myriad knife and rat holes in the grimy red curtains - along with the sticky-foot syndrome that always followed a visit to the place.

    Re the tripod - a year or so ago on a Russian forum, I saw a collection of custom mounts for sale that were built to be attached to the back of a theater seat for mounting cameras, lol. Just the thing for that special pirate on one's christmas list!

    Haven't seen any of them for a while, but I miss the Asian scene rips - have watched many DVD-quality rips of theirs, sometimes getting leaked on opening night. Must be nice to have the crazy bandwidth that's the average in Japan!