Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Silence

Hillbilly is Brazil Edition Tie In:

     I went to the SP Film Festival last weekend with Ana to, you guessed it, watch some movies. We had to be careful about our selection and unfortunately with me tagging along we had to narrow our choices down to anything in English or with English subtitles. So we settled on two movies that had english subtitles and one of those was the German movie The Silence or Das letzte Schweigen.

  How we chose this movie was a systematic process in which Ana did most of the real work because I still can't read Portuguese all that well. She has one habit that I wish I had, that is taking copious amounts of notes and being organized. So she came to me with a long list of movies that were playing over the weekend that we could both watch and understand. This one just happened to be about a serial killer/murder mystery kind of deal which is always intriguing. 
     So after we nestled into our seats I learned what could even be more intriguing than a German dramatic film and that is trying to follow along without the aforementioned English Subtitles. Oops, seems that somewhere along the line there was a miscommunication between the catalog printer and the film distributor and I had to try and figure out what was going on with Portuguese subtitles and the German audio. Which wasn't as difficult as it might sound, the acting was decent enough that I pretty much could follow along with the actions of the characters. I am sure I missed out on some of the smaller nuances but still  I got the gist of it.
     At least I think I got the gist of it. either way Ana talked them into giving me a free ticket to anything I wanted to see afterwards which is pretty sweet. Especially seeing that I watched the entire movie with or without the English Subs. All it took was some subtle yelling and saying that she was a lawyer and before you know it I have a free ticket OR she asked nicely and explained our situation in a calm clear manner with which the woman working their could relate to and offered to see what she could do for us. That is like getting a steak dinner that was cooked well done when you ordered medium rare. Then with some friendly complaining after cleaning your plate, they give you another steak dinner. So it was sort of a half assed twofer, the first wasn't exactly what you ordered but the next has the possibility and  besides that it's free.

   The movie was advertised in the Mostra Film Book ($1R) as a murder mystery but it would be more apt to say that a murder takes place and we watch as it effects different people in different ways. The prologue of the movie is set in the early 80's and the rape and murder of a 12 year old girl by a two men in a wheat field. Flash forward 23 years later and another girl disappears but her bike and effects are found in the exact same spot in which the first girl was murdered. That is the action that brings all the characters together which is the real basis of the film as the second murder/disappearance is just a catalyst. You have the mother of the first girl, the cop that worked the case who just retired, another cop whose is falling apart because wife just died of cancer, the parents of the girl that just disappeared. Also the two men that murdered the first girl., one of whom still lives and works in the apartment buildings as a grounds keeper were they first met and the other who soon after the first murder packed up, changed his name and started a new life and family. You get to watch and follow these people deal with their lives after the horrific events and with their own lives.
     Anyway that is what I pieced together from my German and Portuguese. I could be totally wrong about everything it wouldn't be the first time that has happened.

Calm Down, Dr Wang Has Arrived....

     The second movie that we choose through our process was a Chinese/Canadian/Australian production titled The Red Light Revolution. Set in present day Bejing it is a lovely story about a thirty year old trying to find himself and a career to get back his self respect.

When A Man Loves A Woman

     The career is selling sex toys in a small neighborhood which has a mostly conservative geriatric clientele. I have to say it was rather enlightening to watch a comedy that didn't involve someone being knocked up throughout most of the film or involve bad child acting. I mean I really enjoyed Knocked Up and The Switch but why does every other movie now have to have an actress walking around in a latex belly. Anyway as the story goes along and the shop becomes successful and accepted in the neighborhood which of course is seen in montage, an effect used in comedies for nearly 100 years. As usually happens in these sorts of comedies though, the shit hits the fan. We can't just be happy go lucky because we still have 45 minutes to go in our film and who wants to watch people with no adversity in their lives. That is the point of these movies isn't it, the guy that used to just give up in the face of a challenge now meets it head on because he has grown. Our young hero forgot to get the proper permit to open a Sex Shop in this location so of course he gets busted and seeing that he got all his product from what can only be explained as The Dildo Mafioso he is in serious trouble of getting his legs broke. 
      I really won't go into the last bit of the movie but if you have watched films for oh say the last 30 years you probably know how things are going to work out in the end. And while the movie might follow a formula perfected in comedies during the 80's with people like Bill Murray, Harold Ramis and Rodney Dangerfield. That doesn't mean the formula doesn't work because it does work in this film. It works because the actors and the direction and good but also because this movie has something that a lot of new comedies in America don't have much of anymore, jokes. I love jokes, especially in my comedies. Even more so in my Chinese Sex Shop comedies. 

Friday, October 1, 2010

Wall Street 2 - Electric Snoozaroo....

      Ana and I went to see Wall Street 2:The Dollar Ain't What It Once Was last night at the Cinemark Theater located in the shopping mall next door. It was the only English film playing that we hadn't already seen or involved fighting a Resident Evil.
Makes me want to watch the Godfather

     First though we saw trailers and while I won't get into the Brazilian movie trailers because I couldn't understand them, there was a trailer for Unstoppable starring Denzel Washington and Chris Pine. I would like announce right here and now that I think I might have found the biggest comedy hit of the year. I haven't laughed out loud during a movie trailer in such a long time, this could possibly be the silliest idea for a movie that I have ever seen. I might have missed some clues as how the movie was supposed to be a suspenseful thriller because the trailer was cut together by a meth addicted, espresso drinking rabid monkey. I thought it was so ludicrous that I started laughing again in the end credits for Wall Street. Maybe I was just trying to take the pain away from the feature presentation.


     About WS2; let me start out by saying that I think Shia LeBouf is the Ben Affleck of his day. You place him next to Michael Douglas and you see this loud and clear. Douglas is Gordon Gekko, LePoff is "look mommy, I'm acting, I'm a man". The sad part is we are stuck with LePoff through most of the movie and only get a glimpse of the more interesting Gekko occasionally which kind of sucks. 

• Shia LeBouf is no Charlie Sheen all he has is talk normal to show normal and fast and loud to show anger, fear, sadness, gas pain and anal itch.
• His girlfriend has 100 million locked up in a trust fund in Switzerland, we learn this halfway through the movie and she says she planned on donating it to a charity. Only someone that has never been poor or middle class could ever think like that, especially someone that lives in NYC one of the most expensive cities in the world. LAME
• Oliver tries to put a message in the movie but it is really lost on shitty acting, too many plots that lead nowhere, an unrealistic sentimental ending 
• CGI effects that are there for no real reason but to say LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME
• Who am I supposed to care about in this movie? Gordon Gekko the man who steal loves only money (till the end). Shia LePuff who in the first ten minutes gets a bonus check for $1.5 million? His whiny unattractive girlfriend that works for a non-profit? Why do I care?

     You can't make a movie decrying unfettered greed that's only aim is too make as much money as possible. Why else would it get a world wide release everywhere on the same day unless they knew that word of mouth would probably kill it in two weeks. Not that it matters here in Brazil the line for Resident Evil 4 was standing outside the theater, Wall Street 2 was rather spacious for a Friday night. The best thing that could happen to Oliver Stone is if someone cut his budget in half and force him to return to his roots of Platoon or Salvador instead of giving him shit piles of money hoping to get the next JFK or Nixon. 

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

CoincidĂȘncias do Amor (The Switch)

      I watched The Switch in Brazil though the title has been changed to something completely bizarre, CoincidĂȘncias do Amor (Coincidences of Love). Why, who knows maybe there isn’t a word in Portuguese that means Switch or cheesy romantic comedy. I mean, most romantic comedies are cheesy so I guess that was redundant. Then again, romantic comedies aren't supposed to make you rethink your life, quit your job and move to NYC and start a punk rock band. They are supposed to do something though but what, no one knows.

      The movie is about a pregnancy but all movies these days has to have at least one person knocked up in it, it seems. Every since the superior movie Knocked Up came out 2 years ago there has been an onslaught of these movies showing how inadequate people deal with the little parasites. I guess if you think about it this has been going on longer than the last 2 years, I remember Hugh Grant had that movie with Julianne Moore 9 Months (I thought it was a sequel to 9 1/2 Weeks) or something back in the 90’s. There was also Father of the Bride 2 were both mother and daughter were pregnant and I am sure I am missing a few in between 1990 and 2010. I guess Switch is different in that it has the awkward “how she got pregnant” scenes and then skips 7 years later to the kid being 6 years old. So we miss out on Jennifer Aniston wearing a ridiculous latex pregnant belly appliance, the funny building the crib buying toys scene, the breathing scene, the stupid rushing to the hospital scene, the hilarious I don't want to be a dad scenes and the funny comic relief doctor scenes. Right past all that bullshit and straight into the comedy and romance.
     I have to give the movie some props for deviating from the mold of the last 20 years of oops I'm pregnant films. They even kind of deviate from the romantic comedy mold by not making Jason Bateman such a loser that in real life he would never get the girl. He is just a little neurotic, not a pot smoking, beer guzzling slob whose friends are either the fat guy or the nervous guy. Which is funny if you think about it because the guy that has been playing nervous guy for the last 5 years used to play Jason's son in Arrested Development.
     The only time I thought the movie got boring was when it was focusing on Jennifer Aniston. When we are with Bateman it gets at least some chuckles but when we stick with Jennifer it kind of just hits bottom. Probably because she isn't really all that funny or interesting which isn't her fault, they didn't hire Meryl Strep and Jennifer Aniston plays the role just right, pretty, successful and able to get a huge apartment in NYC plus a TV executive job even after being out of the business for 7 years. Like I said in the beginning it is a romantic comedy, the Light Beers of movies so we can't really expect to get drunk on watching it. Though in her defense, the scene in which she gets locked outside in a sheer white nightgown in chilly NYC was probably the best acting I have seen in a long time.
     So even though I wouldn't suggest it unless you are just a Bateman fan I would say rent it or steal it off the internet if you have time to kill. 

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Wow, What A Surprise

     I was reading through this morning because it gives me my fill of politics and total useless bullshit all in one site. Like when they post things like "Jennifer Aniston TOPLESS" and you click to find pictures of her bare back covering her naughty bits with her arms, again for the 300th time since Jennifer Aniston become a celebrity. Oh, Huffington, you got me again.
     They also usually have some top ten thing on there as well like TOP TEN CITIES TO VISIT and half are in Italy or something. TOP TEN CITIES TO GET SHOT IN or TOP TEN CITIES WERE UNEMPLOYMENT IS BELOW 15%. Of course on that last one they fall to mention that the cost of living is so outrageous that I imagine all the unemployed people live somewhere else. Like I'm sure that Aspen, CO has a low unemployment rate because no one that works in that town can afford to live there, same with NYC.
     By far the funniest thing is the fake outrage sections those are the best, my favorite one is when they have a singer that started out wholesome but now that they are getting closer to 20 have pulled out the stops and gone full on slut. Right now the big outrage seems to be over little Miley Cyrus, the devil spawn that came from the man that wore a mullet longer than anyone else, Billy Ray Cyrus. Apparently she is all growsed up now and wants to shed the Hannah Montana trappings and sing like a big girl. I should mention I have no idea what a Hannah Montana is or that Billy Ray was even allowed to have sex with women but I guess it happened.
       Before & After

      So one day she is all white and pastel colors, smiles, bows and wholesomeness and the next she is all eye shadow and dark clothing and pouty expressions. All I can say is that I agree with parents on this one, this is outrageous who can she go from being this icon of purity one moment and the next into some trashy harlot, doesn't she know that our kids are so stupid that they are going to imulate her. Bad enough they had to buy their daughters all that cheap shitty plastic crap because it had Hannah Montana stamped on it but now they will have to pay Leather pants and mascara by the boat load. 
     I for one feel so sorry for parents today because how could they have seen this coming down the pike. A marketing strategy like this has never happened in our lifetimes.

Before & After


Monday, August 2, 2010

The A-Team

 I really hate how this plan came together.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Predators (And Not The Sexy Kind)

      So I downloaded Predators of my "service" as my girlfriend calls it and I have to say, if you kids can't pirate this shit any better than this then you should just stay the fuck at home. I'm serious, I don't mind that I have a clear view of the seats in front of you for the first five minutes of the movie but at least keep the camera focused the entire ninety minutes. Half the movie is clear, the other half I think I'm looking at blurry shit stained glass or a pair of pantyhose...I'm guessing.

Who can forget this scene whatever it is?

     After watching most of the movie and listening to the other half because the sound is about as bad as the picture I'm going to say that this was a decent film. My biggest gripe is that the only way to get really good bootleg movies these days is to wait for either some German kid or a Russian kid to post it. Americans kids aren't only falling behind the rest of the world in education but also Pirating. 

     As for the movie, well the parts that I could see and hear (the sound was equally as shitty as the picture) it seemed like everything that a fan of the Predator franchise could really ever want in a movie with a few exceptions. We are back to the jungle, back to hot climates and dangerous people with weapons, gone are the stupid cartoon fights from the Alien vs Predator saga which thankfully even Robert Rodriquez thought sucked so bad that he didn't want anything to do with it. 
     The only flaw that I can see from this movie that all have really suffered since the first one is there is no star in the movie. As much as I might like Adrien Brody and his nose he is no Arnold Schwarzenegger not even close, not even the same continent and that I think is what brings the movie down because let's face it kids the only reason that first movie did so well was because it had the big star in it. All of us kids knew how it was going to come down at the end, Arnie was going to slug it out with this massive beast from outer space and we couldn't have been more pleased with the outcome. We all know Bruce Willis is going to be the smart ass and save the hostages, we all know that Eastwood's face would twist and he'd blow away the bad guys we all know that Stallone would talk like he had a dick in his mouth and beat the shit out of someone but even though we knew it was still awesome to see them go about it. 
     Adrien Brody? Who the fuck is that? Laurence Fishburne, is he still alive and how did he get out of the Matrix? 
     Also kudos to the Predators for kidnapping the most dangerous people from all around the world to be on their off-Earth game preserve that all speak perfect English. What luck for the prey to all be able to communicate in the same language.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Late Night Drive Through

Ana wasn't online last night so I decide to load up the Civic with gas and my tripod and Nikon and do some driving.

First Test from the back seat.

Driving Down I-65

 Driving Up I-65

Morgantown Exit

Monday, May 10, 2010


      I was reading online somewhere that Jack Nicholson is going to star in the old coots version of The Hangover. The plot synopsis that I read was that some old friends get together to send the last bachelor of their group off in style in Las Vegas meanwhile Jack (as the playboy) and some other old fart (a widower) both fall for the same girl and the game is afoot. So I am thinking Space Cowboys meets The Hangover would probably be the fastest way to describe the film.
     Let me start off by saying two things, I LOVE Jack Nicholson the man knows how to get down to work when challenged with the right part and a director that can tell Jack what he wants. Second I am not a person who is afraid of seeing aging film stars in movies, in fact I love it. Aging is part of life, deal with it. Some of the best movies over the last decade have been about aging, About Schmidt and Gran Torino to name two. Clint has made two or three movies concerning getting older and age, Unforgiven , Million Dollar Baby, Absolute Power, Space Cowboys, the first thing that happens to him in  Blood Work is he suffers a major heart attack.
The Lie
The Truth 

     I know it is hard to see your heroes getting old but Dirty Harry is 79, Indiana Jones is 67. Rocky and Rambo are 63, The Terminator is 63 and John McClane is 55. Think about that when you see them running, jumping, boxing, whipping, yippee ki yaing. and terminating. Truth be told these guys are getting to old for this shit (Riggs and Murtuagh, 54 and 63 though actually the characters are older).
    We all have parents, hopefully they are still around but most of us know that while they are still smart, funny loving people they ain't what they used to be. Dirty Harry would have to take a piss every 30 minutes while on a stake out. Rocky would have to remember to take his heart pills. John Rambo must have been living next to the Thai Snake and Hair Emporium because he didn't have one gray hair in that last movie. He was a 63 year old man living in the tropics and hasn't had what I would call an easy life. You'd think after being involved in combat for all of his adult life and living the hard life that he does, he would have more than just scars but a few gray hairs.
      Back to the Nicholson movie, from what I understand Jack is going to be a rich playboy womanizer type which fits him because basically he just comes to work and cashes the check. On the other hand if I wanted to see that, I'd watch The Bucket List or Somethings Gotta Give both movies in which he played a rich playboy womanizer type. Maybe to shake it up a bit I could just watch him in As Good As It Gets in which he plays the rich part but was terrible at the womanizer bit (Some would say that he does get the girl at the end but I have to remind those people that the woman was Helen Hunt). I mean we've seen it and though they might add some new fart jokes I really don't know how this isn't going to be another lame ass baby boomer movie all shot in soft focus and everyone just happens to not have a day job or never had a day job. Shit, at least Morgan Freeman had a day job for about 5 minutes in The Bucket List of course that was to establish the difference between rich asshole and smart blue collared dude. Of course he still lived in an awesome house with 15 kids.
     Let me tell you why I am writing all this bullshit, cause there is a movie I really wish Jack Nicholson would make and it doesn't involve him skydiving with cancer ridden Morgan Freeman or walking on the beach with Diane Keaton after having a heart attack while trying to pork her daughter (awkward). No, I'd like to see Jack put on his fedora one last time to play one of the best detective on the big screen since Phillip Marlowe, Jake Gittes. Originally Chinatown was supposed to be the first part of a triology of films about the development of California, the first movie was about water rights, the second The Two Jakes was about oil and the third was supposed to be about land.
Jack ~ photo by Anne Lebovitz

     Unfortunately the third never happened because The Two Jakes didn't do well at the box office in 1990 but I think that after 20 years time that most people would be ready for another shot of J.J. Gittes. The next film in the series was supposed to have been shot 20 years after The Two Jakes so it isn't too far fetched to see an older, retired Jake Gittes go back to unraveling a mystery. It would be entertaining to see a 70 year old man walking around 1968 Los Angeles trying to find clues and talk to people. The first movie had The Great Depression in the backdrop , the second had Post-War America and the third could have the political and cultural upheaval of the times. Get Nicholson with someone like Scorsese directing and I think that this movie would work well. 
      Then again, this is just my idea. What do I know, maybe people would rather see a 72 year old man trying to have sex with a 30 year old girl in every other movie. That would explain the recent boom in G.I.L.F (Grandfathers I'd Like to Fuck) porn that is sweeping the nation. The thing is that yes Jack has had sex with quite a few younger women in his day. The problem is I don't think there has been a director yet that has been able to translate how he does it. You just can't film some kinds of cool. 

Iron Man of the Caribbean

Opening Weekend Results

The Dark Knight - $155 Million
Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At Worlds End - $135.5 Million
Iron Man 2 - $133.5 Million

     All I can say to that is, really? Pirates 3 did better than Iron Man 2? I don't see how that happened personally, I mean I guess the economy is kind of tough and all but really? I watched Pirates 2 in the theater and the entire time I was just wanting it to be over, I so wanted to get out of that theater. It just went on and on and seemed so slapped together unlike the first Pirates movie which was a surprise hit and a delight to watch. Pirates 2 was like getting your balls waxed by a very angry lesbian. It was painful and you knew she didn't care but by God you paid the money to do this to yourself so you are going to set through it. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to spend $8 to see the third installment unless they had already invested so much into the movies that by God they were going to see it through to the end or were into pain.
     The closest I came to seeing Pirates 3 when it was in theaters was when I read a synopsis on Wikipedia that I have to say was without a doubt the most rambling plot synopsis I have ever seen on that site before or since. I would say that it was at least 2 pages of typewritten stuff that sounded like something a high school student trying to meet a 500 word deadline hashed out the night before and really I don't even think the kid was grasping what he was writing. Through no fault of his/her own, there are just too many stories and plot lines for the usual two paragraphs. One reviewer opined that he liked the complexity of the movie but I have to say there is complexity and there are piles of horseshit like filler and Pirates 3 was mostly Horseshit.

     The first Iron Man happened pretty much the same way as the first Pirates movie, people thought it was good but didn't expect it to really take off as well as it did. It was just supposed to be a good popcorn movie that opened the summer, the hype of the summer was supposed to be Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. In Iron Man you have a guy that has never directed anything with action or CGI, director Jon Favreau (you are so money baby and you don't even know it) plus Robert Downey Jr's career was needing a shot in the arm. Jeff Bridges while being a pretty damn solid actor also has made more than his fair share of clunkers(let's face it without Iron Man and Crazy Heart he'd be heading toward Lifetime Originals in five years). The highest paid actor in the movie was Terrence Howard and he didn't even make it back for the sequel for some reason(rumor is he was an asshole or asking for too much). You have a lot of people here that are really hungry to make a hit and do some good work and that is probably why the movie turned out so well.
     I also think that is why the Iron Man 2 is good because these guys made it to the top and they don't want to go back to making shitty direct to DVD indie films. It's like this, Robert Downey just made his third career comeback and he doesn't want to go from making Pulp Fiction to Battlefield Earth if you know what I mean. Jon Favreau is getting to work with a big budget which I am sure he likes and besides, he gave himself a small part in the movie as Happy Hogan the Chauffeur which is kind of neat seeing that he started out as an actor. What I am trying to say is you got these people who are still trying to prove themselves, trying to hone their craft and make a really entertaining movie. That has also played into their favor because the studio that made this movie wasn't looking to beat The Dark Knight, sure they wanted to make a profit but I'm sure they didn't think it would take off like it did in 2008. That is why you have a sequel to Iron Man and not one to Superman Returns or The Hulk because both studios behind those movies were expecting bofo box office and when that didn't happen, you got a reboot of the Hulk and no mention of Superman since it came out.
     The other side of that coin is Pirates and the Matrix, both were to be stand alone movies without high box office expectations but when both took off they hurriedly slapped together two sequels to cash in as much as they could. Iron Man fits in because when the numbers started coming in better than expected they announced a release date for Iron Man 2 in 2010 which left Jon Favreau scrambling to get a script together in time to start shooting. I hope if and when he makes the third installment he beats the 3rd movie curse that has befallen all superhero movies as far as the mind can reach. Superman 3, Spider-Man 3, Batman Forver and even the turd X-men movie all kind of sucked. Good Luck Team Iron Man.

Monday, April 26, 2010

I Saw Sedaris, But I Swear It Was In Self-Defense

Part 2

I finally got to the cattle line and then before you knew it, 45 minutes later I was standing in front of the man himself. He was eating what looked like a Taco Salad out of a takeout dish in between signing books and answer questions. I finally got my turn and I realized that the months spent in hermit mode makes it difficult to talk to people much less celebrities. I took my little slip of paper with Ana's name on it up to his table much like a kid handing a note to the Principal. He asked me "Who's Ana?" and I kind of slipped into a Chris Farley, hehehe you're David Sedaris thing for about a second before I got my wits about me. I told him that Ana was my girlfriend who lives in Brazil so she couldn't be here tonight. (Why she couldn't fly to Nashville is beyond me.)
     He signed ANA and asked what kind of animal is she, I said (hehe David Sedaris is AWESOME) she is most definitely a cat. After finishing his artwork he said thanks and I had to snap out of my Chris Farley like trance and lay down the real reason I was there other than the autograph, to actual ask a GEEK like question that Ana and I or Ana and Me really wanted to know the answer.


     The question I asked had to do with a story about him on the Metro in Paris. He was sharing a post with an American Couple and the male told his gf to keep an eye on Sedaris because he was a swarthy Frenchman who was trying to steal her wallet from her while pretending to share the post. They didn't realize that he was also an American and could speak English. So they basically talked about him while he was standing there, saying he stunk like all the French and on and on. Sedaris eventually got a chance to sit down next to his partner Hugh and the American Male went on to say, ah there is his partner. Sedaris would steal the wallet and hand it to Hugh so if stopped he wouldn't have it on his person. Anyway our question was why didn't he say something in English as he got off at his stop to embarrass the Americans. He said he didn't want the story to end.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

I Saw Sedaris, But I Didn't See The Deputy

Part 1

I saw the author David Sedaris last night at the Ryman Auditorium from my favorite seat in the entire place, behind a white support beam. At least Ticketmaster seems to think that is my favorite spot because the last time I was there I sat behind the very same pole. That time I got to see both Andrew Birds shoulders and I think maybe a hand if I sat straight but with some fancy leaning of the head I could see 35% more. Unfortunately that shit hurts after a hour and the drive home was slightly sideways like a listing ship.

I like the Ryman though and I could see Sedaris pretty well, I guess he was more centered than Andrew Bird. He stood behind a huge lectern with RYMAN in big oak letters reading essays, diaries and excerpts from his new book that is coming out in October of this year. His new book has animals in place of people. He said he it was originally going to be a book of fables but then he realized that fables have morals, so now it is called a bestiary.
After the show I trotted up to the second floor lobby where he was going to sign books, I got there as fast as I could but I wasn't fast enough. I imagine I was about 100 people deep into the line and it is reasonable to say that I was at the midpoint. I was stuck in line with a pair of 20 something girls from Owensboro talking about being chefs, a couple in front of me who turned out later to be a 36yo woman and her 17yo son (I am a shitty judge of age) and in front of them Tommy Chong in bib overalls and a tied dyed shirt and his striking blonde wife in a summer dress. I mean that last description as it is, I was almost certain this guy was Tommy Chong because who else would dress that flamboyantly and have a nice looking wife.
I was left in that awkward position of being that one lone guy in line with no one to talk to while waiting. I could even do the new loners way of staying occupied which involves texting people you sort of know to kill time because I left my phone in the car to make room for the digital recorder that B.R. let me borrowed (don't worry Mr Sedaris I just wanted a copy for my gf not to post on the internet).
Luckily the woman in front of me started talking after I asked for a pen. One of the ushers was handing out slips of paper for you to write the name of whomever you wanted inscribed. I guess so you wouldn't have to stand there and spell out everything. Anyway, turns out she wasn't in her mid-20's but 36 and her BF was actually her 17 year old son. Like I said, I'm a terrible judge of age and I blame Hollywood for that. So many years of old actors and rock stars still clingy to youth tends to warp your judgment of age. (e.g. William Shatner is 82 but still has brown hair or at least his toupee does).
I wrote Ana on the paper and the woman said I didn't look like an Ana. I explained that I was getting the autograph for my girlfriend who was in Brazil. We talked about this for a few moments before we switched to that old stand by of all Gen Xers.... pop culture. Seeing that it took 45 minutes to advance from the half to the quarter mark we had plenty of time to throw out many references, The Soprano's, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Columbo etc, etc.... What would our generation talk about if it weren't for shitty TV shows and music that kind of falls flat after you have had your first traumatic relationship with the opposite or same sex.
Finally I got to my turn to talk to the man who was eating what looked like Mexican food in between signing and answer questions. Jesus Christ, I haven't talked to another human being in 3 weeks and now I have to say something to a famous author.

The rest later....

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Man of the Year (Must have been a dull year)

I just watched the movie "Man of the Year" starring Robin Williams and all I can say is it has missing that one little element that I love to see in a comedy.... jokes. I mean joke is such a broad term, I'm talking wit, sarcasm, word play, unusual situations, a fucker slipping on a banana peel something.

What a crock of shit!

I don't want to pick on Robin Williams, I've been a fan for much of my life and the man can play both comedy and drama very will but what the fuck is this mess. I know they were going for that Good Morning Vietnam feel again but it just doesn't work because there really is never any tension in the movie. I mean, will Robin Williams win the election, of course he will because there wouldn't be a movie if he didn't. Will the evil Electronic Voting Corporation stop at nothing to prevent Laura Linney from exposing the glitch that got him elected, of course they won't they are a Corporation in a Movie(no tension or surprise here). Will she die in the attempts, of course not it is a light comedy you can't end it on a heavy note (no tension). After she tells him how he got elected will he keep his mouth shut and ascend to the Presidency or will he tell everyone the truth Live on SNL, what do you think(the lack of tension is palatable). I mean seriously on that part how many times have we seen that in a movie over the last 20 years. The main character, in a tight situation, will he choose right vs wrong while in front of a live camera in which hundreds of thousands of people are watching him. (we are talking about Saturday Night Live here so I might be generous and say 200k).
Now maybe I take my comedy and my politics a little too seriously but I think that if you were going to make a movie commenting on some of the rather lame aspects of how we elect the President of the United States then you should make some outspoken comments instead of this weak hemming and hawing. The only time the movie actually does this is during a Presidential Debate Scene about 25 minutes into the movie and it is probably the only time in which Robin Williams is let off the leash with his manic energy and way of thinking, just knocking holes into the other candidates standing up there with him. That was it, that was the money shot, that was the Luke Skywalker destroying the Death Star in the first act. Now sit back and relax cause you have another 70 minutes of bullshit to get through before the credits roll.
And what's the deal with the PG-13, you have Lewis Black and Robin Williams in the same movie and you can't get an R rating. I know, I know nothing draws the kids in more than a movie about politics except maybe a movie about the Victorian Age.

Monday, March 8, 2010

In My Mind

Forgot to turn on my vaporizer last night so woke up with that sinus pain that will probably play hit and run with me all summer.

Trying to read "The Diving Bell and The Butterfly" which for obvious reasons isn't 200 pages and has huge borders on top of that. Not that I mind, he paints a picture about his Locked In Syndrome which is the intention. I think the movie made have taken some liberties but that is also expected seeing as if they shot the book page for page I see it as being a 45 minute movie.

Looked at Medium Format Cameras online today, even though I have a Bronica that shoots 6x4.5 now I think I could really use something that shoots 6x6. Retail therapy more than likely. I won't buy one but it is still fun to look at all these systems, Mamiya, Pentax, Kowa 6 I don't even bother looking at Hassies.

Switched off to looking at flatbed scanners which I would like to get sometime for reals seeing that I'm shooting all this film lately and have no way of placing them online because of lack of scanner. Have to wait and see how the money things works out in the next couple of months.

I keep reminding myself that every dollar I spend now is one I can't spend in Brazil when I get back down to my Ana. I'd rather spend money on us than on more toys to make myself feel better.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Mr Fix It

I finally got Sams Microsoft Vista Home Edition computer to talk to his Microsoft Zune yesterday after about a week of tinkering around. I cannot remember the reasons we gave up on fixing it last time I was over at his house, maybe he had to go into work or something. The problem was something called a Code 37, the computer wasn't recognizing the driver for whatever reason even if you followed all the instructions on the Microsoft Help site or had someone read those same instructions over the phone after calling Microsoft help. I have to say that Sam and I were both pissed about the fact that it is a Microsoft MP3 player they couldn't talk to a Microsoft Operating System. I mean, what the hell, they are both products of the same corporation surely they are compatible.
So we went through several websites after exhausting the official Microsoft page on the matter which was basically 3 lines on how to fix the problem that did not work no matter how many times we tried it. I finally found a forum were someone gave us something to do in DOS I guess using two command prompts. Five minutes later it was fixed and Sam finally got to use his 120GB Zune for really the first time since October.
Obviously the Zune is a big piece of shit compared to the iPod the difference being you pay out the ass for the iPod. Although Sam has sent the Zune to get repairs done at least 3 times and of course he lost all his music each time because I don't think they attempt to repair them, they just send a new one in its place. I'm sure that Sam's other two Zunes have been sold on the internet as completely refurbished machines by now which means someone wiped them and resold them.
I am not a big fan of Windows really, the first computer I got was a Windows 95 machine which worked but this was back in the 90's when a machine would be obsolete as soon as you put it in your trunk at Best Buy. My second Machine was an iMac which I have to say was probably the best computer that I have ever owned more or less. It lasted me for about 5 years before I had to get a pc for school work. Macs are really the BMW of computers and I have never had that many crazy problems like with windows.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Greatest Job in the World

I was trying to watch the Health Care Summit today on TV which kind of sucks because I don't have CSPAN-3 so I had to rely on Cable News. I went to MSNBC to watch it and after a few minutes, Andrea Mitchell and her nose comes on and start blabbering on about nothing. You know how these talking heads always are, This is MSNBC and we are covering the Health Care Summit and we are't going to let you watch actual ELECTED officials talk about their differences cause we have to explain what is being said. So I went to my second choice the always abominable CNN and I will be kicked in the nuts if fucking Wolf Blitzer wasn't interrupting the exact same time as MSNBC was to bring on Sanjay Gupta to talk about the Summit. I mean, I don't give a shit what that quack thinks about Health Care Reform I want to hear ELECTED OFFICIALS opinions and arguments are for or against the bill.
Here is my point though, they had fucking Ben Stein on stating arguing why Republicans don't want Health Care Reform and it got me to thinking how long does a person have to be out of politics these days just to disappear. I mean, Ben Stein was Richard Nixon's Speech writer! Nixon has been out of office since 1974 so 36 years later his Speech Writer is still appearing on TV talking about what Republicans like of dislike. Pat Buchanan was Nixon's Chief of Staff and he is on MSNBC all the time jabbering with Chris Matthews cause no one else wants him on their show. Newt Gingrich was in the news over something else today, he hasn't held elected office in over 14 years and that was when he was impeaching Clinton for getting blown in the Oval Office meanwhile Newt was fucking his staffer and leaving his wife who was bedridden with cancer.
I'm thinking if you get into National Politics you basically have a job for life. I imagine this might actually be the last job in America in which you can assume that you will be getting a steady paycheck from one way or another until you die.
My other complaint though is CNN and MSNBC, just let people watch the proceedings. You don't have to have these over paid douche bags sitting around desks jabbering every five minutes explaining to people what they just saw all the meanwhile cutting out other parts of the very important discussion. I remember when I was a kid and one summer all they had on was the Iran Contra trail, I don't remember CBS cutting to Dan Rather every ten minutes so he could pull his ego out and stroke it in front of the nation. These people seriously need to learn to shut the fuck up sometimes. These people are elected to office by voters, if they cannot speak plain English then they never would have gotten elected.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Sarah Palin and The Tea Klux Klan

"How is that Hopey Changey stuff working out fer ya?" - Sarah Palin

I have to say that in the last few months a lot of things have come to light about the current state of the American Political landscape. I guess after years of history and civics classes being smashed into my head as a child I was always under the impression that to get to a higher office be it Governor which is the Highest in State Government or President of the United States you had to have a certain degree of knowledge, exceptional-ism and charisma. The American Way, you work hard, study harder, learn and understand knowledge and then you make it to higher things than shoveling shit in Louisiana.
Then I happened to catch the Q&A at the Republican Retreat two weeks ago with Obama and the House Republicans and that theory was basically turned on its head. I have to say, Obama really was Kung Fu Fighting just about any question thrown at him about a whole range of topics. Well by range I mean the usual Republican Topics, tax cuts, corporate tax cuts, the deficit and health care reform. It was pitiful to say the least, it was like seeing a Kids Karate Class take on Steven Segal. I mean you are going up against the POTUS who is basically Muhammad Ali of debate and here is your chance at the Heavy Weight Champion of the world are you going to train hard, now the facts and try and get in some good body shots or are you going to be lazy and just use Talking Points. I have no doubt that there might be some smart people in the Republican Party and I think that the one Representative that had is Health Care Bill in hand might be one of those people if he could just get out from behind the bullshit that are talking points.
Now we can talk about the Tea Party Convention that was held in Nashville, TN last weekend and who's keynote speaker Sarah Palin had crib notes written on here hand. You also have Tom Tancredo talking about something that sounds similar to Jim Crow Laws in the south making people take a "literacy test" to be able to vote. It must have been an easy assertion to make seeing that he was talking to a crowd of white people. I can understand their unease, the Democratic Party is more of a home to minorities and the other side is pretty much as white as a KKK Sheet.
Finally we have Sarah Palin, the so called key note speaker who has bullet points written on her hands after making fun of POTUS for using a teleprompter. She got softball questions from the audience and knocked them all out of the ballpark if the ballpark was a 10x14 basement room. I realized after watching her sit down interview with Chris Wallace on FOX News just really how bad she is, I mean. She's an idiot even with someone basically holding her hand through the interview. I think she is just a harpie sticking around to scratch out as much money as she can possibly make from being a VP Nominee. There is no way that she runs in 2012 because the first Republican Debate that is held she gets eviscerated on National TV. You think Huckabee and Mitt Romney are going to beat around the bush about her quitting as Governor midway through her first term? You think that not giving interviews is going to save your ass in the primaries? She couldn't even handle Katie Couric or Charlie Gibson these are not attack journalist. I think she has an inability to think on her feet which is kind of crucial when you are Commander and Chief or we have another massive terrorist attack.
As for the Tea Party which is now forever going to be known as the Tea Klux Klan, they are for the most part just angry Republicans. They are made that "their voices aren't heard" even though they just had 8 years in control of the nation more or less. They are just a huge group of sore losers who somehow think they are cheated by minorities and a smiling black man in the Oval Office.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Avatar is Crapatar

I'm so tired of hearing about how Avatar is the greatest movie ever made just because of the money it has made since its release. First off, when you open a movie in just about every screen in the world you would think it is going to be number one through sure force of will. My gf lives in a town called Santos, Brazil and the 10 screen theater nearby had Avatar playing on three screens. So they have that going for them plus the fact that it is basically only good on Imax or 3d screens which means instead of making say $8 a ticket they are making $18.
I'm not saying it wasn't a good movie but that is just it, it was good not great. It was beautiful to look at but the story we have all seen many times before. It was like they moved Native Americans and Fern Gully to another planet and then mated both to smurfs.
I guess I'm getting old. Wouldn't it be amazing if they took this wonderful gift that is CGI and showed us something truly alien and amazing. I keep hearing how this crap is going to improve and show us new worlds but it always ends up being the same thing, humans with skin conditions. Either that have horns on their heads, webbed hands or fur but is always something vaguely human. Where are the new worlds and new civilizations? I guess they can't go totally crazy or else they would alienate (good choice of words) the audience. The only really crazy alien thing that I can think of off the top of my head is probably on an episode of Star Trek:Enterprise when they picked up what looked like a dryer sheet and bubble gum. That was good for a show that basically stuck to horn heads and face-paint.
From what I can tell, all CGI has done is remove the guy from inside the rubber suit and kept the actors from having to travel to locations now that everything is green screen behind them. I imagine that in 5 or 6 years they won't even have to do location shots, they will just send in a team to photograph a place and then throw it all up in post production. It could save studios millions I would think and God knows they need the money.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Morons, With Their Guns A Blazing

So the Democrats handed Ted Kennedy's old seat to a Republican last night in I would think is going to be a major upset for the Health Care Reform Bill that has been stalled. It has been stalled for that nefarious bi-partisanship that Republicans never seemed to use in the years that they were forcing massive tax cuts for the rich through or spending days on Terry Schiavo or basically passing the Patriot Act without anyone reading it.
I'm pretty torn this morning because I have two teams to pick from, one is just fucking evil but has the best teamwork and solidarity around. The other team has the better ideas but just sucks at keeping everyone on the same page. This is really making it hard for me to care because one team is full of evil fucks and the other team doesn't stand a chance cause they suck. It is like an Evil Caucasian Globetrotters vs Washington Generals. Come on, he is fucking spinning the ball on his finger right in front of you for fucksakes! I didn't follow the Senate Race in Massachusetts and from the looks of things the Democratic Candidate didn't either. I mean how the hell do you lose Ted Kennedy's old seat to a Republican that posed nude in a Cosmopolitan Magazine in the 1980's.
I wish I could say I don't know how this could happen, how can people have forgotten Bush so soon especially DICK Cheney still on TV every other week. Maybe if things had started to change for average people in a significant way then they wouldn't have forgot but really what has changed in the last year. The Banks got saved but people still lost their jobs and homes. There is something obscene about bankers getting bigger bonuses this year than the previous year and people are losing jobs left and right. The fault doesn't lie all with Obama, a lot has to do with the Senate Democrats that have sat on their ass and mumbled around with Health Care Reform all year long while Rome burned down to the ground.
Case in point, Harry Reid hasn't done shit really to push anything through the Senate and the mere fact that they are still catering to Joe Lieberman, a man who campaigned against Obama shows how weak the party really is. The didn't even slap him on the wrist, he was out there stumping for the opposition party, he gave a speech at the Republican National Party and yet he still has his chairmanship over Homeland Security. That sends a signal, weakness.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Brief History in Bullshit

Every time I'm talking to my friend Brandon and I run on for more than two seconds I get the "I didn't ask for a brief history in bullshit" line from God knows where. So that is what this blog shall be about, bullshit.
I really don't know what I will write on this blog, I guess it will be different than my other blog which will probably be more about my photography and traveling more than, you know, bullshit. I guess here will be more politics, movies and other things in general.