Monday, April 26, 2010

I Saw Sedaris, But I Swear It Was In Self-Defense

Part 2

I finally got to the cattle line and then before you knew it, 45 minutes later I was standing in front of the man himself. He was eating what looked like a Taco Salad out of a takeout dish in between signing books and answer questions. I finally got my turn and I realized that the months spent in hermit mode makes it difficult to talk to people much less celebrities. I took my little slip of paper with Ana's name on it up to his table much like a kid handing a note to the Principal. He asked me "Who's Ana?" and I kind of slipped into a Chris Farley, hehehe you're David Sedaris thing for about a second before I got my wits about me. I told him that Ana was my girlfriend who lives in Brazil so she couldn't be here tonight. (Why she couldn't fly to Nashville is beyond me.)
     He signed ANA and asked what kind of animal is she, I said (hehe David Sedaris is AWESOME) she is most definitely a cat. After finishing his artwork he said thanks and I had to snap out of my Chris Farley like trance and lay down the real reason I was there other than the autograph, to actual ask a GEEK like question that Ana and I or Ana and Me really wanted to know the answer.


     The question I asked had to do with a story about him on the Metro in Paris. He was sharing a post with an American Couple and the male told his gf to keep an eye on Sedaris because he was a swarthy Frenchman who was trying to steal her wallet from her while pretending to share the post. They didn't realize that he was also an American and could speak English. So they basically talked about him while he was standing there, saying he stunk like all the French and on and on. Sedaris eventually got a chance to sit down next to his partner Hugh and the American Male went on to say, ah there is his partner. Sedaris would steal the wallet and hand it to Hugh so if stopped he wouldn't have it on his person. Anyway our question was why didn't he say something in English as he got off at his stop to embarrass the Americans. He said he didn't want the story to end.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

I Saw Sedaris, But I Didn't See The Deputy

Part 1

I saw the author David Sedaris last night at the Ryman Auditorium from my favorite seat in the entire place, behind a white support beam. At least Ticketmaster seems to think that is my favorite spot because the last time I was there I sat behind the very same pole. That time I got to see both Andrew Birds shoulders and I think maybe a hand if I sat straight but with some fancy leaning of the head I could see 35% more. Unfortunately that shit hurts after a hour and the drive home was slightly sideways like a listing ship.

I like the Ryman though and I could see Sedaris pretty well, I guess he was more centered than Andrew Bird. He stood behind a huge lectern with RYMAN in big oak letters reading essays, diaries and excerpts from his new book that is coming out in October of this year. His new book has animals in place of people. He said he it was originally going to be a book of fables but then he realized that fables have morals, so now it is called a bestiary.
After the show I trotted up to the second floor lobby where he was going to sign books, I got there as fast as I could but I wasn't fast enough. I imagine I was about 100 people deep into the line and it is reasonable to say that I was at the midpoint. I was stuck in line with a pair of 20 something girls from Owensboro talking about being chefs, a couple in front of me who turned out later to be a 36yo woman and her 17yo son (I am a shitty judge of age) and in front of them Tommy Chong in bib overalls and a tied dyed shirt and his striking blonde wife in a summer dress. I mean that last description as it is, I was almost certain this guy was Tommy Chong because who else would dress that flamboyantly and have a nice looking wife.
I was left in that awkward position of being that one lone guy in line with no one to talk to while waiting. I could even do the new loners way of staying occupied which involves texting people you sort of know to kill time because I left my phone in the car to make room for the digital recorder that B.R. let me borrowed (don't worry Mr Sedaris I just wanted a copy for my gf not to post on the internet).
Luckily the woman in front of me started talking after I asked for a pen. One of the ushers was handing out slips of paper for you to write the name of whomever you wanted inscribed. I guess so you wouldn't have to stand there and spell out everything. Anyway, turns out she wasn't in her mid-20's but 36 and her BF was actually her 17 year old son. Like I said, I'm a terrible judge of age and I blame Hollywood for that. So many years of old actors and rock stars still clingy to youth tends to warp your judgment of age. (e.g. William Shatner is 82 but still has brown hair or at least his toupee does).
I wrote Ana on the paper and the woman said I didn't look like an Ana. I explained that I was getting the autograph for my girlfriend who was in Brazil. We talked about this for a few moments before we switched to that old stand by of all Gen Xers.... pop culture. Seeing that it took 45 minutes to advance from the half to the quarter mark we had plenty of time to throw out many references, The Soprano's, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Columbo etc, etc.... What would our generation talk about if it weren't for shitty TV shows and music that kind of falls flat after you have had your first traumatic relationship with the opposite or same sex.
Finally I got to my turn to talk to the man who was eating what looked like Mexican food in between signing and answer questions. Jesus Christ, I haven't talked to another human being in 3 weeks and now I have to say something to a famous author.

The rest later....

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Man of the Year (Must have been a dull year)

I just watched the movie "Man of the Year" starring Robin Williams and all I can say is it has missing that one little element that I love to see in a comedy.... jokes. I mean joke is such a broad term, I'm talking wit, sarcasm, word play, unusual situations, a fucker slipping on a banana peel something.

What a crock of shit!

I don't want to pick on Robin Williams, I've been a fan for much of my life and the man can play both comedy and drama very will but what the fuck is this mess. I know they were going for that Good Morning Vietnam feel again but it just doesn't work because there really is never any tension in the movie. I mean, will Robin Williams win the election, of course he will because there wouldn't be a movie if he didn't. Will the evil Electronic Voting Corporation stop at nothing to prevent Laura Linney from exposing the glitch that got him elected, of course they won't they are a Corporation in a Movie(no tension or surprise here). Will she die in the attempts, of course not it is a light comedy you can't end it on a heavy note (no tension). After she tells him how he got elected will he keep his mouth shut and ascend to the Presidency or will he tell everyone the truth Live on SNL, what do you think(the lack of tension is palatable). I mean seriously on that part how many times have we seen that in a movie over the last 20 years. The main character, in a tight situation, will he choose right vs wrong while in front of a live camera in which hundreds of thousands of people are watching him. (we are talking about Saturday Night Live here so I might be generous and say 200k).
Now maybe I take my comedy and my politics a little too seriously but I think that if you were going to make a movie commenting on some of the rather lame aspects of how we elect the President of the United States then you should make some outspoken comments instead of this weak hemming and hawing. The only time the movie actually does this is during a Presidential Debate Scene about 25 minutes into the movie and it is probably the only time in which Robin Williams is let off the leash with his manic energy and way of thinking, just knocking holes into the other candidates standing up there with him. That was it, that was the money shot, that was the Luke Skywalker destroying the Death Star in the first act. Now sit back and relax cause you have another 70 minutes of bullshit to get through before the credits roll.
And what's the deal with the PG-13, you have Lewis Black and Robin Williams in the same movie and you can't get an R rating. I know, I know nothing draws the kids in more than a movie about politics except maybe a movie about the Victorian Age.