Monday, June 13, 2011

Missed Connection

Dear 30-40yo Rotund Man who was in the Evansville Barnes and Noble Bathroom Saturday June 11, 2011,

Please seek help for whatever ailment that you suffer from because I don't think  it is natural to leave a bathroom stall wheezing like you have just ran The Boston Marathon. Of course upon entering said stall maybe it was just your lungs trying to pull in some much needed oxygen like a fish out of water. From the looks of what was splattered on the back of the bowl I would suggest you to start removing the husks from your corn on the cob like most civilized people have been doing for at over a thousand years. We all can't wait to remove the wrapper from that corny goodness but one must all the same. 

As a side note to Barnes and Noble, you might think you are saving money by replacing the toilet paper with single-ply wax paper but rest assured I just used 23x as much to get my asshole squeaky clean. If you are willing to spend money to put a new Nook Kiosk in the entrance of every store with some poor schmuck trying to pawn one off on customers as soon as they enter the least you can do is spend the extra .78 cents on toilet paper.  Shitting is inevitable; buying electronics that will be out dated as soon as you leave the store is not. Plus seeing that you have a Starbucks in each store and coffee being a natural laxative I would assume you'd put two and two together.

In other news looks like I am back to writing.

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