Ironed Man

Seriously, the only thing that America successfully make and exports around the world these days other than bullet is movies. Sure they are all filmed in Canada but that is North America all the same.  The real pisser here is that Iron Man 3 has been all over the fucking world now and I still have to wait two more days to see it here in the good old US of A.

Opening Everywhere In The World, Then in the USA 

Shit, my girlfriend has just been waiting for the right time to watch it in Brazil because it has been there all week. She just can't get a good time for the un-dubbed version. Me, Shawn, here in Houston, Texas, USA has to wait two more days to watch it in a crowded theater. The French have already seen it, Russians had their world premiere a week before that. You might remember Russia they used to be are arch nemesis about 20 years ago now they get our new movies before the United States of America, the sweetest smelling country in the world.

I've seen Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow in just about every country over the last two weeks walking red carpets, dirt paths, rose petal strewn trails, cobblestone street, yellow brick roads smiling and waving at international journalists while I have sat here in America, waiting anxiously for the movie to open. Iron Man, a movie based on an American Comic Book about an American entrepreneur that had the get up and know how to build a suit of armor with scrap part while stuck in a cave in the middle of nowhere. Oh by the way, they played Iron Man 3 last night in a cave in the middle of nowhere to a huge crowd of men, women and goats. Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow sold tickets and gave out free popcorn in the caverns while I sat here, Iron Manless. They were lovely, witty and fashionable while they refilled 2 liter drinks for the patrons.

Look I am not made at the actors they are just doing their jobs. I mean, keep the only movie worth seeing this spring over in foreign markets. I can wait, I have plenty of great movies to watch over here in this country. Movies like GI Joe Retaliation, Pain and Gain or Scary Movie V.

Seriously though I am just having a bit of good old fashion fun here. I know they are doing this so they can break the box office here but I really don't see the reason why because to be honest there hasn't been a really good movie that has come out this year I don't think. I like Oblivion but it wasn't anything to write home about and beside I don't think Tom Cruise elicits that much of an emotional response for most of the population. We have had a lot of shit though, I mean all three Planet Hollywood Investors put out movies that vanished like a fart in a hurricane. Pain and Gain, is that about steroid abuse? GI Joe Retaliation must have been seeking vengeance on the six people that went to watch it.

Selah.